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 My first real story

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PostSubject: My first real story   My first real story Icon_minitimeFri Aug 08, 2008 3:46 am

This is for my new warriors site, chapter 1 of the history of the clans. Spoiler- Robinwhisker is my character, and future leader of Mistclan. Chapter 2 coming soon, tell me what you think!

The History of he four clans is well known to cats of the first generation. They lived it, and tell the story to every new kit, so it will be passed down through generations and nobody will forget the great journey the four founding leaders took to give the clans the home they have now...

It all began an entire year before the clans arrived, when there was peace, prosperity, and happiness. But this wasn't to last long. It was dark, and cloudy that day. In a barn on a large farm, a group of cats huddled to one side of the barn, hiding behind the haystacks. One, a large she-cat with a pelt of pure silver and dark spots throughout was addressing the cats on top of a milk bucket. She called out,

" My friends. I have heard grave news. The home we have lived in for so many countless generations is in danger. " She paused as the group exchanged worried faces, and a few hissed out angrily, like they already knew this news. The silver cat spoke again. " I took a small group of cats around the Two-leg's den for some hunting and saw the old twoleg speaking with a new one, in a bright orange pelt. When they left I asked Dusty what had happened. He told me the farm was being sold and destroyed to make room for different twoleg dens." She stopped here and watched as the group remained silent, looks of horror or sadness on their faces.

" They will tear down this barn, and destroy all the land. I have seen it happen." The new voice drew some looks to the back of the crowd. A dull colored brown tom sat there in a red bell collar, reading Dusty. “ If you want to survive I'm afraid you will have to leave." He said gravely. The angry hisses and yowls following this clearly showed their defiance.
" Nonsense!"
" Your lying!"
" We won't leave!"
The cat's angry yowling died down as the silver she-cat spoke once more.
" Dusty is not lying! I saw the monsters that chew up the ground! Their claws destroy the fields, and rip up trees! I'm afraid we have no choice but to leave. The prey has been fleeing, we cannot find food for much longer!" She spat, her fur bristling. " Now I know none of us will be happy with this but we have no choice..." She finished sadly.

" Well where will we go then?" Called out a small voice. A small cat, nearly out of kit hood was huddled next to a light tan and brown she-cat. His sandy tabby pelt blended with the hay.

“ I do not know Sandpaw. We can only head for the distant mountains and hope to find a new home for us all.”

“And what if we don‘t, Silverstar?” Said a ginger tom with amber eyes.

“ I am sure that our warrior ancestors will guide us to the right place. Enough talk for now. I want all cats to sleep here tonight, we will be leaving tomorrow at Sunhigh.” Silverstar finished, jumping down from the bucket and disappearing through a broken wood panel in the side of the barn. The group exchanged looks and slowly dispersed, whispering quietly as they headed for their sleeping areas.

“Silverstar?”
A she-cat with a golden brown pelt and darker splotches stepped into Silverstar’s den, her green eyes illuminated in the starlight.
“Yes my dear Robinwhisker?”

“ Your sick aren’t you..”

A long pause was interrupted by the loud calls of crickets outside. Silverstar raised her head and looked at her daughter, her blue eyes gazing into hers.

“ You’ve noticed? Yes I have been feeling very weak lately… Just getting old, my dear, don’t worry about me.”
“ But--”
“ No. I am fine. Go back to sleep, soon the sun will appear and we will get ready to leave. I want you rested and strong, Robinwhisker, you don’t know what we’ll run into on this journey. “ She turned her back on her and laid back down in her nest of hay.

Robinwhisker sighed and turned out also, laying down just outside the barn doors, staring into the starry sky. Her thoughts wandered for a while before she slipped into a dreamless sleep, awaking almost instantly when the sun hit her face the next morning. She blinked open her eyes and yawned widely, then gasping in shock at the scene in front of her; Huge twoleg monsters roaring and tearing through the lands, dirt overturned and smoke high in the air. Dusty was right, and the cats were in much danger. She flew back inside to warn the others.
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PostSubject: Re: My first real story   My first real story Icon_minitimeFri Aug 08, 2008 5:12 am

Wow, that's great! Is it going to be the history that I have to write about? lol
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PostSubject: Re: My first real story   My first real story Icon_minitimeFri Aug 08, 2008 6:42 am

yep lol
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PostSubject: Re: My first real story   My first real story Icon_minitimeSat Aug 09, 2008 3:07 am

Awesome so far, Suka! 8D

I'm lookin' forward to reading more!
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PostSubject: Re: My first real story   My first real story Icon_minitimeSat Aug 09, 2008 5:06 pm

wow, this is great! keep going!
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PostSubject: Re: My first real story   My first real story Icon_minitimeMon Aug 18, 2008 6:41 am

Chapter 2- the four future clan leaders are introduced, along with a few other characters, they are on their first night away from home

Cats were hurrying everywhere. Some were bringing prey back into the barn, and letting the older and youngest cats eat first, while others collected their close kin and sat to share tongues with them one last time in their home. A small group gathered around Silverstar, consisting of Robinwhisker, Dusty, and three others. Silverstar was speaking quietly, so only that group around her could hear.

“I’m afraid Starclan have not given me any signs as where to go, but I have a feeling we should head to the mountains, as I said before. It looks a pretty long way though, but I’m sure we’ll make it there fine.” She meowed.

“I agree, and to start we should probably follow the Thunderpath on the other side of the forest. It leads towards the mountains.” Claimed one of the other cats. She was a pure white she-cat with bright blue eyes.

“Good idea, Iceheart” Robinwhisker mewed. “ We should probably be leaving soon, the sun’s starting to get higher in the sky.”

“ Very well. Gather up the cat’s and announce to them that we will be leaving. Steer clear of those twoleg monsters!” Silverstar hissed, and quickly padded out of the barn, her tail disappearing in the grass.

The four cats dispersed through the group, telling the plans to each cat, and slowly making their way to the front of the barn where some cats had already gathered. The bright sunlight was shining through the rafters, and the wind outside was whistling through the open windows.

“ Least it’s not storming today..” One cat mewed, staring into the puffy white clouds above. Another she-cat, one of the four cats Silverstar spoke too, was talking to Dusty near the entrance to the Barn.

“ Good luck, remember to watch the thunder paths, and steer clear of twolegs. “ Dusty was saying.

“Yes, we know. See you Dusty, we won’t forget ya. “ The she-cat mewed, touching his nose and then watching as he turned and stalked out of the barn, making his way up to the twoleg den and pushing through a cat-flap on the door. The she-cat turned to face the cats.

“ Now we need you all to make your way around the barn and towards the forest, be quick and don’t get too close to those twoleg monsters!” She hissed. This she-cat was light brown with dark stripes, called Morningcloud. Her bright green and blue eyes darted around the group, making sure each and every cat was accounted for. Finally she nodded to the other three, who took one last look at their home, then vanished after the crowd of cats.

As the group of cats rushed out of the barn and through the field, birds took flight from the grass in surprise, and a few deer standing at the edge of the tree stopped to watch curiously. At the front of the group was Silverstar, running at the side to keep a close eye on them all. As they reach the trees they slowed down and a few took a moment to admire the way the sunlight dappled the ground around them. Silverstar trotted through the grass and ferns towards a brightness at the other side. The group followed and soon they came out into open space again, but this time they all halted at the edge of the trees. Ahead was a long Thunderpath, going far out of sight into distant trees and houses, and to the cats’ right and left was another, stretching in either direction.

“Well, let’s go.” Said a tom near the front of the group. Silverstar took a quick second to look down each sides of the road before rushing across on the hot asphalt.

“ Everyone, hurry! “ She called as the rest of them hesitated. Two more cats crossed. In the distance a rumbling growl was coming closer.

“ Let’s go!” She hissed to them. A part of the group broke off and ran across, halting behind Silverstar and looking around with their ears perked. Another few crossed halfway at a quick walk, but broke into a sprint as a twoleg monster roared into view. Their tails crossed into the grass just as it flew past, bringing a fowl-smelling wind behind it.

All was silent again so half the remaining group crossed. Soon the four trusted warriors that had brought up the rear were about to cross with a queen and her kits. They each grabbed one and started crossing, just as another roaring sound came nearer. They ran faster, but the queen was struggling to pick up her kit. Another she-cat of the four rushed to the other side, dropping the kit in the grass and sprinted back to the Queen. The cat had a bright golden pelt with sharp black spots and a white underbelly. She grabbed the kit and ran for the other side as the monster came into view and speeded past just as the queen reached the other side.

“ Thank you Leopardfur, Thought I was in trouble there.” The queen rushed her kits towards the middle of the group as they all set on down the Thunderpath leading to the mountains, sticking very close to the fence that bordered each side of the Thunderpath.

Soon sun-high had come and gone and dawn was soon approaching. The cats were trudging on beside the Thunderpath, not bothering to flick away the bugs that were springing from the grass at every step.

“ Can we stop to rest soon, Silverstar?” Robinwhisker asked.

“ Not just yet, I see something up there we might be able to sleep in.” She motioned to a gray and mangled looking twoleg den, with holes in the roof and sides and nearly all the windows cracked apart. Grass was growing very high around it’s edges, and nearby a few large cows were grazing in the shade of a maple tree.

“ Finally, that’s the first landmark I’ve seen sense we left!” A small she-cat exclaimed. She had light tan, almost white fur, with a few striped on her legs and face and a dark brown tail. “Common’ let’s go!” She mewed, breaking into a sprint towards the barn, with her tail high. Silverstar smiled and ran too, leading the group into a gaping hole in the door. They all stepped inside, stopping to look around.

In the rays of sunlight that shone through the windows, dust was floating around, and a few shadow floated by the window, a few birds flying past.

“Sorreltail, don’t go far.” Robinwhisker meowed as the small pale she-cat started padding off into another room.

Sorreltail flicked her tail t show she heard and disappeared beyond the opening.
The group dispersed, after scenting nothing but mustiness, and the faint traces of mice. Some were already asleep, curled up on the old rugs or on the soft but torn couches left in a particularly dusty and abused room. So far all was going well, or at least that’s what everyone but one was thinking.

Silverstar was fidgeting in her sleep, her feet twitching madly as she dreamed. She fell asleep in the same weak and drowsy state she had before, and this time she was starting to cough, waking herself up and some other cats around her. As the sun disappeared and the rest of the cats settled down, Silverstar’s breathing was strangely ragged, but no cat noticed, too busy with finding spots to sleep, or catching one last mouse that was creeping under the staircase. Robinwhisker too was restless, but for a different reason. Her mind was telling her something wasn’t right, and she couldn’t help thinking that her mother might not make it through this journey with her health. Praying to Starclan before she closed her eyes, she curled up near the doors of the old den and fell asleep into fitful dreams.
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PostSubject: Re: My first real story   My first real story Icon_minitimeMon Aug 18, 2008 7:15 am

Awesome, Suka! I love how its going so far!
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PostSubject: Re: My first real story   My first real story Icon_minitimeMon Aug 18, 2008 7:52 am

COOL STORY SUKY
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PostSubject: Re: My first real story   My first real story Icon_minitimeTue Sep 23, 2008 2:56 am

Morning rose with the sound of birdsong, and the occasional sound of cows in the distance. The first set of eyes to open were Sorreltail's, the pale she-cat with the dark tail. She lifted her head and yawned widely, jumping as her sudden movement scared a few pigeons roosting in the broken and patchy roof of the sitting room. This, in turn, woke most others who were resting in this room. Cats were stretching, grooming and talking lightly as Silverstar padded into the main entryway. " We need to find water soon." She meowed to one of her trusted warriors, Leopardfur.
"Silverstar, if you like, I can organize some cats to go search for some nearby. It might be risky leaving this place when we don't know when the next time we will find water is." The spotted she-cat mewed.
"Thank you, Leopardfur, that would be greatly appreciated. " Silverstar mewed, padding into the kitchen of the abandoned house, where a few cats were busy at work, trying to find mice hidden in the cupboards.
"Look, I found a whole nest!" A cat called out from inside one of the crevices between the counters. A few cats bounded over to see and help carry mice around the area for the elderly cats and young kits and queens. Silverstar stared around with tired and restless eyes. Her faithful friends, working together so peacefully and successfully, gladly helping each other when they needed it most. It sparked a warm glowing feeling inside her, but as another coughing fit came on, her feelings were cut short. As it was over she curled up where she lay in a ray of sunlight to get a little more sleep in before the patrol came back with any news of water.

Across the field, to where the maple tree gave shadow to the cattle the previous day, a small group of cats were grouped in a spot of its shade. Leopardfur was ontop of one of it's branches, calling down reports to the cats below.
" All I can see is fields for some long miles ahead. But i think I can also see another figure out there. It looks small." She meowed. The cat below her tried to see where she meant but didn't see anything but sky over the tall grass in front of them.
" Let's go check it out." Another cat called up to her. The group pushed through the grass quietly, focused on going the direction Leopardfur had pointed out.After ten or so minuets the cats noticed a change in the wind.
"That sort of smells like the pond back home." One cat claimed.
"Ya I think it does." Another stated.
"Well common then." Leopardfur mewed, pushing ahead faster. Soon the grass grew thicker and even sooner they found what it was that they were looking for. A rusty metal trough, grown in with weeds and grasses. One of the cats jumped up onto it's edge.
" There's some water in here!" He yowled. His tail disappeared as he stepped down into it. " Not very much though" He said, a little more disappointed. Soon all the cats were up on the edge of it, looking down into a muddy-looking pool of water, filled with quite a few dead bugs and one very dead mouse. One cat bent down to lap up a little bit of it. " It's good enough..." He said, wincing but holding it down.
Soon the group of cats all had a small share and were bounding back through the tall brown grass back to the old twoleg den. They told the cats of their news and then the entire group left the den after having a little more mice before they left.

A tongue rasped against the bottom of the trough, desperately trying to get more of it's moisture.
" I think that's it. We'll have to leave soon." Silverstar murmured from her current perch at the edge of the trough. The cat who was trying to get the last drink was a fit young tom. He sniffed at the empty bottom of the metal trough and sadly turned around and jumped back onto the hot and dry ground. The rest of the group started padding back towards the thunderpath. The queens and kits had gotten their share first, leaving the rest for the rest of the group, lastly being the more experienced and stronger cats who could survive better than some of the others.
" We'll keep following the Thunderpath until we find another place to rest. Silverstar announced. This was followed by some sighs, and sad mewling from the kits. They trudged through the grass with a bit of a lighter step, being filled with mice, but the further they went, the more exhausted they found themselves being.

Three days after they had left the barn, almost all the cats were in bad moods, or just too tired to speak at all. Tails were being dragged, and whiskers hung low. Almost everyone's eyes were on the ground in front of them, except one, who was looking around curiously. Sorreltail stopped in her tracks, making a few cats hit into her. They continued with hissing complaints as they moved around her.
"I see something! There's some twoleg dens up ahead! And trees!" She claimed, her voice growing stronger with each word.
A few more cats stopped to look, some ignored her and kept moving. Morningcloud was one of the first to comprehend what they were seeing.
"There are! Look!"
"I see it!"
"Really?" Yowled the cats. Silverstar let them all walk ahead of her, some running for a few feet then going back to a walk when they realized they hadn't the strength to move so quickly. Robinwhisker held back to wait for her mom.
"Common, its just a little ways more." She encouraged her. Silverstar licked her lips with a dry tongue and continued walking, keeping her focus on the twoleg dens up ahead. Robinwhisker kept in step with her steadying her when she needed it.
As the group finally reached the first shadow of the trees, most of them collapsed in the grass, happy to just take a nap there. One cat, an old tom, had collapsed and hadn't moved again. Nobody noticed it when everyone's attention was on their glorious find, instead cats walked around him, each trying to search for some food or water close by. Silverstar and her four most trusted warriors were gathered at the base of a tree, discussing where they should go next. Silverstar was about to speak when a terrified yowl came from one of the kits.
" Mommy! Swallownose! He won't get up!" It was a small she-cat kit who had ran over to the elder to play with him as she always did. The mother, the same cat who had made a close escape when they first crossed the Thunderpath, ran to her kit's side and looked at the limp body of the old tom with wide eyes. She picked up her kit and took him away from the body, setting her in the grass and trying to distract her with a small vole she had caught.
Iceheart was first to get to his side, nudging the old tom a few times and quietly whispering his name. He didn't respond, and his body was as limp as a newborn kit's. " I- I Think he's gone.." She mewed sadly. Silverstar had the strength to reach his side. She sighed heavily.
"I knew this would happen sooner or later." She buried her nose in the old tom's pelt. " I'm sorry Swallownose, if we only got here sooner..." She looked up with heavy eyes. " Take him away from the group, lie him where he will not be disturbed... We have to move on as soon as we can to find a place to stay.
The four trusted cats were grouped around his body, saying a few prayers to Starclan and saying last words to the old tom they had known since kithood. After a few long and sad moments, they picked up his ragged and limp body, carried it to a nearby area of thick bushes, where they lay his body quietly behind the leaves, away from sight. They emerged to many pairs of scared and tired eyes, even Sorreltail's. They briefly told the group that Swallownose had been pushed too hard and simply couldn't keep up with the rest of the group. The cats all dipped her heads respectfully, quietly listening to the few words they gave in his honor before they all followed Silverstar around the edge of the twoleg dens, where the dry grassy field met the Twoleg's mowed and kept lawns and leafy trees.
As the cats rounded the edge of one of the twoleg dens cautiously, Robinwhisker noticed a large garden behind one of the twoleg dens. It was messy and covered with tall grass and overgrown bushes, like the twolegs who lived there suddenly moved out. A wooden fence surrounded most of the yard, dotted with signs saying, " No Trespassing". The cats slipped through a gap in the fence and found places under the bushes to curl up and sleep for the night. As the last of the cats closed their eyes, a dog barking could be faintly heard in one of the twoleg dens further down the line of dens. Twolegs occasionally walked by the house, throwing shining pieces of plastic and cups into the unkempt grass. As the dark grew thicker, the town grew less active, with the only disturbances being a twoleg montser driving by that usually woke most the cats. But when the stars had finally covered the entire night sky, all was quiet in the rural town. No dogs were barking any longer and the lights in the twoleg dens had all gone out. As the cats finally found some longer periods of peace and quiet, most went to sleep, while some lay awake, all thinking similar things like, ' Where will we be finding next?' Or ' How can this place be much better than those fields?' And even ' Will we ever find a place to call home once again?'
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PostSubject: Re: My first real story   My first real story Icon_minitimeTue Sep 23, 2008 3:29 am

Awesome so far, Suka! Can't wait to hear more! =D
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PostSubject: Re: My first real story   My first real story Icon_minitimeTue Sep 23, 2008 5:03 am

I love this story, Suka! I can't wait to read more! 8D
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PostSubject: Re: My first real story   My first real story Icon_minitimeThu Sep 25, 2008 1:51 am

Great! How soon will the site be done?
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PostSubject: Re: My first real story   My first real story Icon_minitimeFri Sep 26, 2008 1:25 am

I cant give anyone a date, I have no idea. my computer still isnt up yet so untill then, Its not going to get anywhere besides this here story. Thats about all I can tell you right now.

Man i get the worst luck when it comes to making sites, it seems like everything that could happen to delay it.. happened. -_-
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PostSubject: Re: My first real story   My first real story Icon_minitimeThu Nov 27, 2008 8:51 pm

Chaper 3: The group has suffered a tragic loss of a loved elder, Swallownose. Moral has taken a hit and the group of cats were now doubting it was ever a good idea to go on this trip in the first place.

"Oh great." Muttered a young tom. In front of his nose stretched a field, followed by yet another field. Sorreltail was beside him, her eyes following the horizon.
" Oh well, let's go tell Silverstar." She said, turning on the spot and pushing through the bushes that ended the line of twoleg dens.
The pair crossed a few yards, narrowly avoiding the prying eyes of a small Pomeranian as they slipped through the hole that led into the damaged, abandoned yard where the rest of the group was gathered. The tom chose to let Sorreltail tell her as he followed a different trail to talk with a small group of toms. "Robinwhisker!" Sorreltail called, seeing the dappled pelt of the young she-cat disappear under a bush. She followed, her own dark tail vanishing as well. Under the small ragged bush, a strange smell lingered, like death. A shiver went down Sorreltail's spine as she let her eyes get adjusted to the darkness.
" Hello, Sorreltail." Came a raspy meow from somewhere in front of her.
" Siverstar, We only found fields after the dens, I'm not sure how far the trail would be untill we found anything else after that. " Sorreltail explained imediatly. Beside her, Robinwhisker sat down.
"We'll find a way through it, It can't be that far a walk." She said, a false sense of hope on her voice.
" Is everything alright?" Sorreltail's worried voice sounded from the darkness.n
"Of course, dear, why don't you go back outside, a few cats told me they went to g hunt, you should go with them before we leave." Silverstar soothed, her eyes blinked slowly as she spoke. Robinwhisker nudged the young she-cat out the bush and turned back to her mother.
"So you're sure your strong enough to go with us?"
"Yes, I'm sure. I'm sure this is only a cold, I'll be fine. You should go too, tell Leopardfur, Iceheart, and Morningcloud to help you gather everyone up to leave. Let them all eat first though." She added, turning her back to her daughter and sighing. Robinwhisker stood silenlty for a few secconds before mewing a wuick "Ok" and turning out of the bush.

The air was crisp and cold this morning, the sun was steadily rising in the sky however. under the grasses near the thunderpath, the group was traveling swiftly towards the mountains in the distance. On either side of the road was only dried grass, covered with dew. Suddenly, the silver cat at the lead slowed and came to a stop, sniffing around the grass carefully.
"I can smell mice, spread out and look for them, we could use a quick snack." She muttered, pushing on ahead with her noose near the ground. In her wake was an odd smell that made some of the cats wrinkle their noses. Surely, it was the smell of sickness.
" Shh!" A cat hissed as it crouched in the grass. It was some foxlengths from the group, followed by Sandpaw,who cringed and ducked beneath the grass, searching for what the cat saw. Up ahead was a tiny mouse, scuttling through the grass, searching for seeds. The older cat licked his lips and pounced, crashing though the grass and landing squarely on the mouse. " Hah! least' there's a good bit of prey out here! This'll be tasty, you can have some of it Sandpaw, but I get the-"
"Shut up! I hear something!" The young cat hissed. The older tom narrowed his eyes but suddenly heard it too. Mouse underpaw, he looked up above the grass, and darted back under again. "What is it?" Sandpaw asked, trying to stretch to see above the grass.
"It's a big.. walking cloud thing!" The tom said, bewildered.
" A what..?" The younger tom asked, confused.
"It's called a sheep. " Morningcloud walked over, calm with a hint of amusement on her voice. " I forgot you two were never around when the old twoleg kept sheep. You only saw cows, didn't you?" She said, peering over the grass at the fluffy animals. " Well noting to worry about, just avoid their feet. " she said, turning around and following the rest of the group through the grass. The older tom flicked his tail, and followed witht he mouse in his jaws. Sandpaw sighed and followed after, trailing behind the group.
A whistle sounded through the air, and the cats perked their ears curiously. They were in the middle of the field of sheep, some dangling mice in their jaws, others jumping at birds that flew up in surprise just as the cats crashed through the grass. Another whislte sounded, this time making a few cats stop. Silverstar looked over the grass suspiciously. Some sheep had looked up as well, suddenly stock-still. "Common, everyone, faster." She suddenly mewed, her voice still raspy and reeking of something dead. The cats followed, a bit confused but not wanting to question her sudden urgency. A bark ehoed acros the field and Siverstar ran faster.
"What's going on?" Iceheart meowed, catching up to the silver she-cat, trying to spot what was spooking her.
"Just run, the dogs!" Was all she said, continuing through the grass. Iceheart felt her pelt suddenly stand on end. Dogs. She knew what she meant now, but instead stopped, letting all the cats run ahead of her. Sandpaw was still at the back of the group, not being able to hear or understand why they were rushing. Another bark sounded, this time dangerously close.
" Iceheart! What's going on?" He yowled. Silverstar heard it and stopped, thinking something had happened.
"keep goin!" She called after Leopardfur and Robinwhisker who were now at the front of the group.
Another whislte, and another bark, but this time follwed by thundering hooves raccing through the grass. The sheep were fleeing something, running towards the cats. Byt the time Silverstar and Iceheart reached Sandpaw , the rest of the group was well ahead, out of sight from the three, while shdows covered the wet grass, and soon huge, hurried figures raced towrds them. All three cats felt their pelts stand on end and their eyes widen. " Run!" Icheart shouted, but it was too late. In every dirrection, large fluffy sheep were surrounding them, hooves coming within mouse-lengths of the cat's tails. They were frozen in shock, too afraid of being trampled on to move. Sandpaw's eyes were clamped shut as he winced, bracing for impact, but none came. instead, sunlight bathed them once again; the sheep had passed them and their thundering hoof-steps were fading in the grass.
Iceheart sighed with relief, feeling they were safe now, but Silverstar's eyes darted each dirrection in panic.
"What are you-?" Her mew was cut off by a snarl and a yelp. Two large, fluffy dogs with black spots on them had passed directly beside the cats, and were doubling back after catching a glimpse of Iceheart's snow white pelt. Another whistle sounded as they veered off track, and the older dog turned back to the sheep, listening obediently to his master. The other dog, much younger, didn't pay any attention to the directions being given to it from the twoleg. All three cats stared wide eyed through the grass at a blurr racing through the long grass towards them. Iceheart turned and ran, as did Silverstar, but Sandpaw stood rooted to the ground, his fur on end, which wasn't stopping the dog.
"Sandpaw!" Silverstar yowled, turning back to rescue the young cat. Her paws pushed her through the grass as fast as she could manage, but it wasn't quick enough, and by the time she reached the sandy tom, the dog's eyes were gleaming only a few tail-lengths away. " Run, now!" She shrieked, biting the tom and taking him out of his state of shock. He turned and fled, his paws racing him through the grass as he tripped a few times, but never looking back. A sudden, violent shriek was followed by a hiss and a yelp, but then followed by more yowls and growls from thee two fighting masses.
Sandpaw had reached Iceheart who had stopped, staring wide-eyed back through the grass. The only thing visible above the uncut grass was a fluffy black and white tail, sweeping through the air, flailing paws and flying fur. Sandpaw stopped too, finally looking back through eh path he made in the grass. A tall shape came bounded through the grass, carrying a long wooden stick, waving it madly. It came down on the dog, and a singly yelp rang out across the field, followed by silence. The dog hung back, his ears down and tail between his legs as the twoleg carefully bent down to examine the silver, bloodied mass on the ground. It's side was rising and falling slowly, but it's eyes were glazed over. An ear was torn, and fur was ripped out from the tail and back. Wedged between her claws were clumps of white and black fur. The twoleg shook his head, staring sadly down at the defeated cat, as it's breath slowed more and finally stopped. He turned around, staring at the dog sternly raising the staff into the air. The dog whined, bringing it's body towards the ground and licking at his master's boots.
The twoleg shouted once and the dog fled through the grass, looking over it's shoulder a few times as it made it's way to a large barn in the distance with its tail between it's legs. Iceheart and Sandpaw watched in silence as the man lifted up Silverstar's beaten body, and carried it to a fence near the edge of the field, laying her body beside one of the mangled poles, and laying her in a natural position before lumbering back to the field of sheep and the older dog who sat and waited patiently for his master's return. He patted the dog once and disappeared over the hill.

The two follwed the twoleg's tracks through the grass to the fence aand slowly crept up to a silver, spotted mond in the grass, hidden in the shadow of the pole. Her sickness-smell was now covered with the stench of dog and blood. The two pairs of eyes looked upon their dead leader sadly, sitting near her body and pressing their muzzles into her fur.
" I can't beleive it.. she's dead..." Iceheart whispered.
" It's all my fault, too..." Sandpaw said even quieter, sitting back in a patch of grass, his eyes on the gorund. Iceheart looked up slowly, her gaze filled with nothing but sympathy for the young tom.
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Twilight_Wolf
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PostSubject: Re: My first real story   My first real story Icon_minitimeFri Nov 28, 2008 3:25 am

Awesome, Suka!

Sad, though. D=

But still awesome! *applause*
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PostSubject: Re: My first real story   My first real story Icon_minitimeFri Nov 28, 2008 2:51 pm

ya. It's sad, but awesome! maybe the next will be a little more cheerful
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PostSubject: Re: My first real story   My first real story Icon_minitimeSat Jan 10, 2009 8:06 pm

Just curious, but how does everyone feel about the way I make their characters act? it fit? whos your favorite character so far? Your least? Ideas for next part of story? im pretty stumped
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PostSubject: Re: My first real story   My first real story Icon_minitimeSat Jan 10, 2009 8:53 pm

I absolutely love the story, and I think you've got Morningcloud spot-on. ^.- My favorite char would have to be Morningcloud since she's my cat. xD But if I actually had to pick one and she wasn't in there, I like Silverstar the best. Umm... I dunno about my least fave char, that one's tough. And, sorry, I don't have any ideas. xD I'm still trying to figure out how to make my other two stories flow...
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PostSubject: Re: My first real story   My first real story Icon_minitimeSat Jan 10, 2009 9:24 pm

lol thanks ^^ I think I should make a darker character at least.. hmm
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PostSubject: Re: My first real story   My first real story Icon_minitimeSun Jan 11, 2009 12:37 am

It's fine. I love Iceheart, but one thing: Iceheart lets her emotions cloud her judgement sometimes.

I just spent all of my day sitting and listening, so I'm not good at thinking cuz my brain is mush.


Oh, um a darker character would be good.
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