Suka and Pen

Sorry this was so delayed, I had alot going on.

Ok so to start off, I want feedback from you first. I teach general advanced roleplay, so it can be virtually anything you think you need help improving on. From grammer, wolf behavior, to lengthier posts, I can help you with whatever you choose. This is your own opinion of what you need, later I'll see if you need improvment in anything else.
To be sure you want to be taught by me, I want you to end this class with the ability to create AT LEAST two, well writen, interesting and creative paragraphs. to some Advanced roleplay is even more than that, buit for purposes for this site, it is advanced enough.

It is alright.

I really think I need lengthening posts, and making it more interesting.

my abnormal post:

Fade ran through the forest, with his mate nearby.His oldest pup, Sammy, was trying to keep up when he hit Fade like a rock because he stopped.He tried to push Fade, but he wouldn't budge."come on, Dad!" Sammy yelled still pushing.

That's about my "rare" post.You'd be lucky to catch me to even catch me typing that much.The reason I picked you, is because on FF you made really good, lengthfull,Interesting posts.

Hmm ok well I think we definantly need improving, that post barely tells me anything of whats going on. To make it longer and alot more interesting, we describe more about the wolves, setting, and their actions, with more descriptive words and such. Now, first let's start with what to describe:

Your characetrs in the post
- how they look
- what theyre thinking
- how they act
- what they say

The setting of the post
- where it is
- what it looks like
- how it feels ( warm/ chilly/ ect)
- what can be heard
- what can be smelled

And using this you show whats going on.
Heres a post by me I used with Iceheart, It can help to show you these:

Steady paws placed themselves carefully and quietly in front of each other, further and further onto the ice. Keovi winced at the chill it sent up his leg, but with every step his mouth watered more and more. His amber gaze was fixed on something out on the ice, brown and furry. As he got closer, using his darkly colored brown tail to steady himself, he could feel the ice grow thinner. His ears drew back on his head as a crack was heard below his paw. He froze, golden brown and balck fur suddenly on end. " noo.." He whispered through clenched teeth. His gaze was never taken off the rabbit that was stranded out on the ice, which was visibly shivering with a wild look of panic in it's eyes as the wolf drew closer. It was too afraid to flee any further out across the river, for fear of the ice breaking and sucking him under to drown.
Keovi dared to take another step, perking his ears once again as he focused on his prey, but with the step after that another crackling, but too late did he notice it before his front paw felt the icy chill of water as it crashed through the ice. His eyes widened and his maw opened to let a single, loud, terrified yelp ring out through the still winter air. More cracking of ice and a splash sent the flailing, young plains wolf into the river, front feet first, his yelp dieing away in a splutter of watery gasps and yelps. The rabbit, thouroughly startled, leaped out across the river further and went just too far before he fell in as well, fluffy white cotton tail disapearing last. Keovi was paniking underwater, his lungs were screaming for breath, and his mind was in a state too frantic to fgure out what to do. But a tan colored paw and forearm caught hold of solid ice, and the rest of the male's frame was soon visible clinging onto it's chipped edge. His claws scraped along the surface and he soon dragged himself out, and collasped on the shore. He was shivering violently, and panting clouds of frosty breath out into the cold air.

Once you read all that, take note of the words i use to descrbe things, tht most help you see in your mind what is happening, and play it out like your really seeing it.

oh, wow...

alright, I'll try to do that, probably miserably failing, but:

The white wolf, being aware of the dangerous traps set by tan, tall, and tailless wolves carefully stalked the white hairball by the side of rabbit lake."come on now...aim well..." she kept telling herself.Doing her normal attack, she pounced the rabbit as it squealed bloody murder.It was barely able to touch the blue, clear water, but then it's heart stopped.Swift finished the meal at the cave before she bounded out in the woods, smelling each and every animal.She sat on a small, brown patch of packed down dirt.Swift glanced at a sitting owl on a tree.She threw her white muzzle up, and howled.

Is that okay?

You seem to be getting the fact that you do need to describe things, but your slightly off:

The white wolf, being aware of the dangerous traps set by tan, tall, and tailless wolves, carefully stalked the white hairball by the side of rabbit lake."Come on now...aim well..." she kept telling herself. Doing her normal attack, she pounced the rabbit as it squealed bloody murder. It was barely able to touch the blue, clear water, but then it's heart stopped. Swift finished the meal at the cave before she bounded out in the woods, smelling each and every animal. She sat on a small, brown patch of packed down dirt. Swift glanced at a sitting owl on a tree.She threw her white muzzle up, and howled.

hm lotsa color.... not good. Now, first the red, are words or phrases you could change completely using a thesaurus or something. Or just your head. (yellow is just some minor mistakes you made with grammar. ) Blue are phrases that just dont fit at all. And orange is something that needs more description, or changed around to make it easier to visualize.

Ok so, red:
White hairball. This just should never really be used in roleplay, to portray a rabbit(right?) Its confusing, and you already used white to describe your olf already in that sentence. In roleplay you want to avoid repetitiveness!! That's very important, because if you do that, people may end up not wanting to read your post. Instead of putting white hairball there, you could put something like " the furry, white-as-snow rabbit ahead," then " by the edge of Rabbit Lake." Edge works as a better word to say "side" and Rabbit Lake, if its a place, should be capitalized.
Instead of "doing", a boring, normal word... blech.. use something like " Executed" or "performed" to make it sound a little more interesting.
Pounced the rabbit. 1, you should have "pounced on the rabbit", to make it sound like proper English, 2, it could be made a little more interesting too if we put something like this in it's place:
" she crept and pounced into the air, landing squarely onto her prey with two outstretched paws, and sinking her gleaming fangs into into it' neck. "
That puts a little more action into that sentence, and lets you see more precisely what happened =]

Now for the blue:
"squealed bloody murder" isn't something you'd normally use in advanced-level roleplaying. Instead you could replace it with something like " squealed a bone chilling last time before it's agony was cut short by death."
Smelling each and every animal doesn't sound very creative, so you want to put more into, using a different word or two, and all-around elaborating this to make it sound better. I would put "smelling the fresh air, tinged with warm scents of animals that had passed through, bringing with them scents of where they had been as well. " so in other words, that can be simplified to " she smelled many things." but we don't want that in advanced roleplay, its boring! think of some of your favorite authors, or authors you know can tell storys in a great way, and look at their work as an example for yourself.
For me, it's the erin hunter authors, or j.k. rowling
"Swift glanced at a sitting owl on a tree.She threw her white muzzle up, and howled." This doesnt fit that well cause its just like saying " i looked at a picture. I picked at the dirt under my nails. " uhhh noo. not interesting, right? xD I'd hope not. And you don't say why, either, which is something you should always remember in roleplay
So I'd rewrite that as: " Swift heard a sudden crack of a twig and ruslting above her and glanced up to see an owl. Disregarding it, she rose her white muzzle into the air and let out a long, low howl, hoping to get an answer once she closed her maw and perked her fluffy ears." i'm just guessing a reason why she was howling, cause you never said anything, but i think you get the point

Ok, so that could all be very boring but its important you understand it, so any questions?

Umm, smaller words, please?I hardly understand.Remamber, I'm ten.:∫

Uhh, well sorry, but can't you use a dictionary? If you don't have one, google search "dictionary" and use an online one if there are words you don't understand. This is an advanced class, It's difficult not to use "big words" =/

oh yah O.o

If you want to take twilight's class first instead, I'm sure she will be happy to teach you. Then you can work youre way up if you wnt to. It might be easier that way, so you can learn your basics first, and build onto a foundation like that. My class is more for those who want to enhance writing they already feel confident in, but its up to you

uhh, sure.I'll ask.