Suka and Icestar

Hm, forgot the classrooms were here ^^'

Well welcome, Icestar, I hope I can help you when we're done here. As you know, I teach general rolepaying of any sorts at the advanced level. this means, in my mind, a least two full, well written paragraphs. some very advanced roleplayers consider this intermediate but for the means of this forum, it is advanced enough.

To start off, I need to know where you think you need the most help in. be it how to rp wolf behaviors, talk or fighting, to details with descriptive words and actions. this is your opinion on what you think you need to improve on only, I'll tell for sure what you need and don't need to be taught in when we're finished =)

I'm fine with any type of learning. You've seen my posts, so what do you think? I'll include a sample.

Ember trotted on doggedly through the snow. Her paws were weary, and her gorgeous fire-colored fur pepped with snow. She sighed, and watched her frozen breath hang in the air.

Suddenly her ears pricked. She had heard something, what was it? The vixen scented the air and narrowed her emerald eyes in realization. Her pursuers, the bane of her life were following her! She spun around quickly, but not quickly enough to attack the shadow colored fox lunging at her. They rolled around and around in the snow, and the fiery vixen found herself pinned down. She struggled and snarled in frustration. "You'll never get the Legend, Raven! They've already gotten to the temple."

Well, I'd say that s a great post to start with, its interesting enough to keep you reading, and followed how canids would act fairly well. Since you seem to be okay in most general areas, i cant see any spelling errors either, I think we'll just start with the absolute basic- what is roleplaying? You probably know alot of this already, but just as a refresher, or maybe give you a few helpful hints:

Many people don't realize what a rp really is. I like to think of it as a storyline, how there's a few different writers who come together and make up a story as they go along. There should be purpose in your writing, something that moves it along. If somebody tried to rp- " He walked over here, he sat down there, he ate this here, blah blah blah" it's just not interesting. I'm sure you know what I mean.

Another basic thing to know about roleplay is the way in which you speak and play out actions. You already know about the rules against using these ** to create action. You also know that you should never use chatspeak or shortcuts in your rp posts like nvm for nevermind, or lol, ect. you know that. OOC isn't required here, and I personally don't mind if I use it or not. But just in case your not sure how to use it, theres usually two ways that I know of. using ( these ) or {these} of some sort to tell the difference between your ooc and ic talk. another is putting OOC: words here, IC: words here. I use (( these to show that i am talking OOC, as I'm sure you've seen. ))

Now, onto grammar! I hate grammar, but it's essential to advanced roleplay. Because I hate it so much, here's a bit about it from a guide on Animation Source, made for advanced roleplay::

Quote :

Grammar and Punctuation: Try to write it as if you’re writing a book like Harry Potter, or Twilight, or some other book that you love. This helps people understand what you’re writing so that they can respond in the correct manner. L33t speak, chat speak, and sms of any form are not allowed here. Periods should always be used at the end of a sentence. Exclamation points, (!) should be used at the end of a sentence instead of a period to show excitement/anger/surprise, or other extreme emotion. Quotation marks (“At either end of these words”) should always be used to denote that a character is speaking and a comma should be placed before the quotation marks, and after if you plan to continue the sentence. An example: Dacia padded over to Zenny, tilting her head to the side and saying, “Zenny, are you sure about this? What if the Ancients don’t like me?” She whined quietly before the white male moved over to her and buried his muzzle into her neck fur. “Dacia, they won’t hurt you. And of course they’ll like you,” she reassured her, twitching his nose under her fur causing a tickling sensation to travel up her neck. If you need help you can always write your post in a word processing program like Microsoft Word. It will spell check and grammar check for you!

fairly useful, I think! Another final thing I think everyone should know for basic roleplay anywhere, is about character ownership. You should already know this as well but:
when there are multiple characters in the same rp, you have to be careful with how you interact with them. Always be sure to get permission from the other members before you decide to hurt/kill another character, or about mating/pups as well. No controlling other characters either, even in the slightest. Always give others a chance to respond to your own character's actions before your tempted to do so.

Any questions on the basics of roleplay?

Nope. I don't got any questions (lol, bad grammar) we have to study it. ad i pretty much knew all of that.

thats good then, no onto the 2nd basic thing everyone should know, but don't always follow: specifically wolf roleplay.

Before we start that, actually, I want to make sure your aware of something. First-person rp isn't the best way to roleplay in a forum, 3rd person is almost always used, and is much easier to reply to. I strongly, srtongly suggest using 3rd person in any rp. This is the he/she not the I/me. and past tense is usualy used as well, like he ran, not he runs.

ok, now we'll start with a few parts of the wolf and words to describe them
The tail, tassle
The mouth, jaws, muzzle, jowls, maw
The teeth, fangs
The neck, throat
The fur, pelt, hide
The haunches, rump, hindquarters
other words rp'ers use are orbs for the eyes, the frame or body of a wolf, vixxen in place of a female wolf. Thesaurus.com is one place to find good synonyms for words, but also looking at other roleplay forums, and seeing how they use words can help broaden your vocab. There are countless describing words for the size, or coloration of a wolf, or the movement of one. I'll touch up on movement now because i see "walk" for example, used too much by everyone.

Word for movement:
he walked
she ran
he trotted
she raced
he padded
she bounded
he stepped
she pounced
he pelted
she pranced
he danced ( across the hot sand)
she jumped
he leaped
she crawled
he crept
she slid
he swam
she pushed (through the grass)
he tread (across the clearing)
she trailed (along after him)
he advanced
she cantered
he roamed
she paced
he strut
she wandered
he trudged
she dashed
he sprinted
she tore (across the field)
he sprang
she jolted
he started (towards the tree)
she plunged (into the deep snow)
he chased
she rushed
he pursued
she scrambled ( up the tree)
and alot more i bet

some other words for you:
growl, bark, snarl, howl, whimper, whine, yip, grunt, snort, cry, sigh, huff

large- vast, booming, broad, colossal, huge, hefty, spacious, immense, copious, extensive, plentiful, giant, grand, roomy, and more
small- tiny, petit, meager, miniscule, pygmy, pitiful, scanty, narrow, slight, ect
pretty- beautiful, pleasing, pleasant, cute, dainty, elegant, fair, lovely, neat, tasteful, ect
ugly- appalling, awful, foul,hideous, homely, repelling, unsightly,horrid, vile, uninviting, ect

and soo much more, i cant list them all. Like I said, thesaurus.com- type in a basic word and get some nice synonyms. using sophisticated and high-level type words makes your writing sound much more interesting and makes it seems a lot more advanced.
Sparrow cantered over to her spacious, yet still pleasant feeling den, where her bedding of dried and wilted leaves, with some soft rabbit's fur, would be her bed this night. She sighed and fell softly onto it and closed her amber orbs, wrapping her fluffy tassel over her maw.
vs
Sparrow went into her warm den of leaves and fur. She got comfy and went to sleep.

I want you to try and re-write that paragraph now, this time checking it for words which you can make better, and perhaps adding more descriptions to the setting, and thoughts and feelings of the wolf and fox.

Ember trudged doggedly through the vast snow-capped mountains. Her paws were weary, and her gorgeous fire-colored fur peppered with delicate snowflakes. She wearily sighed, and watched her frozen breath hang like a wispy cloud in the air.

"Why did I ever get mixed up in the Legend?" Ember contemplated. "Because it was right" said the little voice in her head.

Suddenly the vixxen's ears pricked. She had heard something, what was it? The vixen cautiously scented the fridgid air. Ember narrowed her gleaming emerald eyes in realiztion. The Salka, the bane of her life were following her! She spun around quickly, but not quickly enough to attack the shadow colored wolf lunging at her. They rolled around and around in the snow, and the fiery vixxen found herself pinned down. Ember struggled and snarled in frustration. "You'll never get the Legend, Raven! They've already gotten to the temple." Ember said this triumphantly, and the male pinning her down seemed to recoil.

wow, that was a huge improvement, Icestar! I could really visualize that more than your previous one. =) Very good

So here's where I can see some minor issues in that new paragraph-

Ember trudged doggedly through the vast, snow-capped mountains. Her paws were weary, and her gorgeous, fire-colored fur peppered with delicate snowflakes. She sighed wearily, and watched her frozen breath hang like a wispy cloud in the air.

"Why did I ever get mixed up in the Legend?" Ember contemplated. "Because it was right," said the little voice in her head.

Suddenly the vixxen's ears pricked. She had heard something, what was it? The vixen cautiously scented the frigid air. Ember narrowed her gleaming emerald eyes in realization, the Salka, the bane of her life were following her! She spun around quickly, but not quickly enough to attack the shadow colored wolf lunging at her. They rolled around and around in the snow, and the fiery vixxen found herself pinned down. Ember struggled and snarled in frustration. "You'll never get the Legend, Raven! They've already gotten to the temple." Ember said this triumphantly, and the male pinning her down seemed to recoil.

In red is where i fixed some minor mistakes, like spelling, or punctuation. Where you see 'sighed wearily' reddened, I switched those two words around. They sound more fluid this way. It's like this: She sighed. but how did she sigh? she sighed wearily. Not she wearily sighed. It could have worked in some situations like, He quickly jumped out of the way,with quickly acting as wearily did, but not in that case. It is describing the action given, but making it sound correctly too.

any questions/comments up to this point? if not, i want to move on to wolf/other canine behavior.

Oops. The mistakes were 'cuz I didn't have time and I was on a crappy computer: in Wisconsin. I fixed it. Oh, and No, I don't have any more questions.




Ember trudged doggedly through the vast, snow-capped mountains. Her paws were weary, and her gorgeous, fire-colored fur peppered with delicate snowflakes. She sighed wearily, and watched her frozen breath hang like a wispy cloud in the air.

"Why did I ever get mixed up in the Legend?" Ember contemplated. "Because it was right," said the little voice in her head.

Suddenly the vixxen's ears pricked. She had heard something, what was it? The vixen cautiously scented the frigid air. Ember narrowed her gleaming emerald eyes in realization, the Salka, the bane of her life were following her! She spun around quickly, but not quickly enough to attack the shadow colored wolf lunging at her. They rolled around and around in the snow, and the fiery vixxen found herself pinned down. Ember struggled and snarled in frustration. "You'll never get the Legend, Raven! They've already gotten to the temple." Ember said this triumphantly, and the male pinning her down seemed to recoil.

Ok, thats great then. Now this I'd expect you to know too, but i think everyone on a wolf rp should know these for sure.

Wolf behavior in roleplay-
Wolves normally don't talk, so if your in a realistic rp, you might want to use body language as much as you do spoken words. In a less realistic rp, like this one, the wolves can speak just as much and well as humans can pretty much, with some even having thier own accents or vocabulary.

Body language can be the wag of the tail, the fur, the ears, how the lips are positioned, the stance of the wolf, it's eyes, and its shoulders. It usualy uses grunts or growls more in realf life, and barks only rarely, but you can make exceptions in rp. A "huff" is like saying something with a quick expelling of breath. " Well then!" The elder huffed, glaring at the stubborn young pup as it smirked deviously.
barks can be seen as alarms, or exclaims, not just for saying " Nice weather were having," He barked. It just doesnt fit.

In every post, you should always remember to describe how your wolf is acting, enough for the other members to visualize her/him easily. An example, with Keovi:

Steady paws placed themselves carefully and quietly in front of each other, further and further onto the ice. Keovi winced at the chill it sent up his leg, but with every step his mouth watered more and more. His amber gaze was fixed on something out on the ice, brown and furry. As he got closer, using his tail to steady himself, he could feel the ice grow thinner. His ear drew back on his head as a crack was heard below his paw. He froze, fur suddenly on end. " noo.." He whispered through clenched teeth. His gaze was never taken off the rabbit that was stranded out on the ice, which was visibly shivering with a wild look of panic in it's eyes as the wolf drew closer. It was too afraid to flee any further out across the river, for fear of the ice breaking and sucking him under to drown. Keovi dared to take another step, perking his ears once again as he focused on his prey, but with the step after that another crackling, but too late did he notice it before his front paw felt the icy chill of water as it crashed through the ice. His eyes widened and his maw opened to let a single, loud, terrified yelp ring out through the still winter air. More cracking of ice and a splash sent the flailing, young plains wolf into the river, front feet first. The rabbit, thouroughly startled, leaped out across the river further and went just too far before he fell in as well.

rate my example yourself, and try to see this play out in your own head. This was to just describe the wolf and rabbit on the frozen river, not so much the scenery around them, so you can visualize what you want there. =)

notice how hes stalking it at the moment, and trying to be as careful asa he can. Wolves are very wary of icy water, and you can see wolves in the wild carefully test each next step before they're sure, but they're not always acurate. If The rabbit had fallen in first, his insticts of running prey would probably had made him start running, most likely fallin gin anyways. Wolves, or any dog for that matter, have a strong prey drive, and the temptation of chasing a cat, for example, is much greater if that cat starts to run. So when you rp hunting, if the elk they are stalking start fleeing, the wolves will give chase imeadiantly even if they arent exactly ready.

I say it's great. You may want to put in something about Keovi's/rabbit's breath. In winter they make clouds of air.


You may want to put in a little bit more on how Keovi looks.

And, rabbits/hares are often white in winter. If you change it to that, you can talk about him stalking it by sent, and it's gleaming eyes.

Hm that all sounded good except when you got to the bit about the rabbits in winter. Not all rabbits get a white coat in winter, I know for a fact that tthe cottontrails around were I live are brown all year long, they just get fluffier. So The rabbit here is like one of those rabbits lets say

And I do agree with you about describing Keovi more, particularly with this post, but if that was a post in the middle of an active topic, then I shouldnt have had to anyways, because you should try to get the description of your wolf in your first post or two. After that, you should always give hints towards the appearance of the wolf, just so people can be reminded of how he/she really looks. Like Keovi's wind markings under his eyes- I've neglected to really say much about them, I admit.

Steady paws placed themselves carefully and quietly in front of each other, further and further onto the ice. Keovi winced at the chill it sent up his leg, but with every step his mouth watered more and more. His amber gaze was fixed on something out on the ice, brown and furry. As he got closer, using his darkly colored brown tail to steady himself, he could feel the ice grow thinner. His ears drew back on his head as a crack was heard below his paw. He froze, golden brown and balck fur suddenly on end. " noo.." He whispered through clenched teeth. His gaze was never taken off the rabbit that was stranded out on the ice, which was visibly shivering with a wild look of panic in it's eyes as the wolf drew closer. It was too afraid to flee any further out across the river, for fear of the ice breaking and sucking him under to drown. Keovi dared to take another step, perking his ears once again as he focused on his prey, but with the step after that another crackling, but too late did he notice it before his front paw felt the icy chill of water as it crashed through the ice. His eyes widened and his maw opened to let a single, loud, terrified yelp ring out through the still winter air. More cracking of ice and a splash sent the flailing, young plains wolf into the river, front feet first, his yelp dieing away in a splutter of watery gasps and yelps. The rabbit, thouroughly startled, leaped out across the river further and went just too far before he fell in as well, fluffy white cotton tail disapearing last. A tan colored paw and forearm caught hold of the ice, and the rest of the male's frame was soon visible clinging onto the ice. His claws scraped along the ice and he soon dragged himself out, and collasped on the shore. He was shivering violently, and panting clouds of frosty breath out into the cold air.

Now, on a side note, look at the length of that paragraph. and look at all it describes. It is only taking place within a few minutes, in one small place. And the events are few yet you can make something small into something bigger with good writing skills, making it much easier than people think to make longer and more paragraphs.

That one is a lot better. You have a little more going on. now what?

Ok, I want to wrap this up soon, but a few last notes:

When you rp your characters, make sure you stay consistant with their personality unless something life changing happens to the wolf or something. This means if you created an angry, agressive wolf, dont rp them acting all friendly to a sudden stranger.

Always make time go by at a considerable pace. Don't go too fast or slow, too fast would be days passing withing just 5 posts, too slow is having one day go by withing 8 pages, unless it was a very eventful day and there were alot of roleplayers in that topic of course. For example, in the current topic at yumiti lake, it seems to be going by a little too fast in my opinion. The time you should make pass should make sense with what happened in that time. a typical wolf hunt for example ( lets say it started at noon) would go by anywhere from a few minutes from an hour or two depending on the type of hunt.

Wolves hunting something small will usually keep chasing until one gives up, or is caught, so they can chase for quite a distance. Larger prey animals would be followed much longer if its harder to bring them down, and wolves will sometimes rest right by the animal to keep an eye on it while they continuesly taunt it untill it is too weak to go any further and it goes down.
Other times, the pack may all bring down a large prey item quickly, only chasing it so far until they all gang up on it until it fails. And wolves do hunt fish on occasion.

I think that'd be it, any questions now? Or anything You want me to tell you about? If I don't know it, I can find out for you.

Nope. I'm good. Thanks for teaching me! I learned better RPing.

Ok, so thats it then, hope you remember all this, and I want to start seeing longer post lengths